Hey… it’s me. Anna.
Today was… a lot.
Semester’s over. Which means moving day.
Which means trash.
Not normal trash. I’m talking the embodiment of trash.
Boxes, bags, mystery weight items that feel like somebody packed a whole apartment into one garbage bag and said, “yeah… that’ll do.”
And of course… the setup
No ramps.
Two flights of stairs to the garbage area.
Two elevators in the building…
that do not go to the garbage area.
I just want to meet the person who designed that.
Just a quick conversation. Nothing crazy.
The shift
I started at 4am.
Cold all day.
The kind of cold that goes straight to your joints like:
“oh, we’re doing pain today? got it.”
If you deal with joint pain, numbness and arthritis, you already know… cold is not your friend.
So it was:
- heavy trash bags
- up and down stairs
- over and over
- while my body slowly filed complaints
My back? hurting.
My knees? burning.
My shoulders? loud.
My arms? done.
And my hands… still doing that numb thing like they don’t know me.
The part that kept me going
I talk to my mom every morning while I work.
She keeps me company.
And honestly… she keeps me together.
Because there were moments today where I could feel it building up.
That tight feeling in your chest when you’re trying not to cry.
But I hold it in.
Because I don’t want to worry her.
I don’t want her crying too.
So I keep my voice steady and I laugh when I can.
Even when I’m over here struggling with a trash bag that feels like it has bricks and bad decisions inside it.
I miss home… like really miss it
I’m from Jamaica.
Been on the west coast in the US for about a year now.
And let me tell you something…
It’s lonely.
Like… really lonely.
Everything here feels different.
Back home, life is slower.
Softer.
People feel more… human.
Here?
It’s like everyone is moving, but nobody sees you.
Nobody really stops.
Nobody really checks in.
You just… exist in the background.
And on days like today?
You feel that even more.
The thoughts that sneak in
I’m not even going to sugarcoat it.
Lately I’ve been questioning my job.
Not because I don’t want to work.
But because my body is struggling with the physicality of it.
And when your body hurts this much doing your job…
it makes you think.
About your future.
About your limits.
About how long you can keep pushing like this.
And yeah… that messes with your mental health too.
End of shift
By the time I finished today…
I was done.
Not just tired.
Done.
My lower back is screaming right now.
My shoulders feel like they’ve been through something personal.
My arms are sore in that deep, heavy way.
My knees? Burning.
Walking back to my room felt like a mission.
Now it’s just… hope
At this point?
All I can do is mentally prepare for tomorrow.
Hope my body recovers just enough.
Hope tomorrow is lighter.
Hope I wake up feeling even a little better.
That’s it.
That’s the plan.
Right now?
A warm shower is calling my name.
And honestly… I’m going.
Because if anything is going to bring me back to life right now, it’s that.
Until next time
If you’re out there dealing with this kind of pain, this kind of exhaustion, this kind of loneliness…
I see you.
Because I’m right here in it too.
We’re just… doing our best with the body we have.
And some days, that’s more than enough.
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